I slept in this morning. And by sleeping in, I mean 6:45 a.m. instead of my normal 5:45 a.m. I meditated. I went to yoga. I ran errands. And now I sit drinking my favorite salted caramel mocha silently freaking out a little bit (there may or may not be tears involved). I leave in 4 days, 20 hours.
Over the last 7 days, I’ve had numerous friends and colleagues reach out offering to treat me to coffee, lunch, drinks or dinner. It hit me one day as I was talking with my former GM. Leaving, for me, has been similar to what I imagine those on their deathbed feel. Or at least those who are told they have terminal cancer go through as portrayed by Hollywood films. I have an end date. And with that in mind, my priorities really have been put into perspective. Let me explain.
I love that everyone wants to see me before I leave. Talk about making a girl feel loved beyond measure. However, as time slowly counts down, I find myself wanting to nest a bit, spend more time with my mom, walking, talking and just being in close proximity. Wanting to watch one more Hallmark movie with my Dad where he pretends to be surprised at the ending. I want dinner with my sisters and to hear my nieces and nephews arguing over the silliest of stuff. To hear their laughter and receive their hugs.
I’m looking forward to one last Fuzzy’s and fire pit Friday night with my closest friends – those who’ve supported me and my dream since day one.
I spent some time last week with my grandmother who is in her 90s and has Alzheimer’s. When I left, my heart sank thinking that might be the last time I see her alive. At the same time, I was oddly at peace.
It’s weird to me. I’m not going anywhere. Yes, I’m going overseas for a while, but I’ll be back! It’s not like I’m moving away indefinitely or I’m dying tomorrow. In fact, I’m probably more likely to be hit by a bus or get in a car wreck in Edmond than I am to have something happen to me overseas. (don’t quote my stats….they’re just gut feelings)
However, I will be forever grateful for this time. For the love shown to me. For the time I’m spending getting my priorities straight. So many go through their entire life waiting until the very end, if they even get that chance, before they hug their loved ones. Before they evaluate where and how they spend their time to ensure it’s aligned with their belief systems. Me, I get that chance right now.
Over the last few days, I’ve come to know the generosity of so many. I’m more of a giver than a receiver, so the attention has been hard for me to accept. But like I always say, my growth lies at the edge of my comfort zone. So, while I may not be great at accepting your gifts and affections, know that I love them from the deepest part of my soul. For you, your gifts, your love, and your friendship, I’ll be eternally grateful. You’ve served me well and I’ll carry you with me wherever I go!