“If you close your eyes and ears, sit quietly, allow the mind to be completely silent and then listen within, you will hear God humming. God talks to us always, but we talk so loud we fail to hear.” Sri Swami Satchindananda, The Yoga Sutras of Ptanjali

Guess what? I cried for the first time on my mat today in what seems like forever. (Just so you know, I’m secretly loving telling you about all the times I cry on this trip.) While trying to get into a pose, my knee started to hurt. On the second attempt, I tried the pose and immediately got out of it. I laid on my mat as tears sprung in my eyes. You’re knee hurts. You can’t do this. You’ll never get this pose. Everyone else is better than you. You’ll never amount to anything. Why are you even trying? You think YOU can teach yoga? My thoughts began to snowball.

On Tuesday, I marked another item off my bucket list – Greece. For years I’ve longed to travel to this country full of history and culture – the first modern Olympic games, Greek gods and goddesses, mythology, ancient ruins, beautiful white houses with pretty blue-domed roofs and blue doors…  wait, where are those white houses?

Last Sunday evening, I went to mass at this beautiful cathedral in the heart of Barcelona. While I couldn’t understand a word of what was being said, it felt comfortable and familiar. As I kneeled to pray before the mass began, I cried. The previous week and all its changes had been overwhelming. While I’d been settling into my routine at the AirBNB, I was leaving the safety of what I’d found for a hostel the next morning. To say I was nervous is putting it mildly. So I did what I always do when my nerves get to me.

To say I was a bit overwhelmed last week is the understatement of the year. Only those closest to me (you know who you are) knew the turmoil that took up residence in my heart.

I’m 3 days in and finally made my way to my mat. This evening found me on a rooftop in the heart of Barcelona staring at a brilliant blue sky as the sun began to fade. And wait for it…I cried happy tears.

I slept in this morning. And by sleeping in, I mean 6:45 a.m. instead of my normal 5:45 a.m. I meditated. I went to yoga. I ran errands. And now I sit drinking my favorite salted caramel mocha silently freaking out a little bit (there may or may not be tears involved). I leave in 4 days, 20 hours. 

As you may have heard, I did this little thing last week. It was called quitting my job. Remember that? Well, everyone wants to know what’s next. Now that the cat’s out of the bag, I’m happy to share my upcoming plans with you.

Over the course of the past year, my faith has grown exponentially. I can’t explain why exactly. Maybe it’s because I’ve invested time and energy into listening to myself, digging deeper for answers rather than placing blame on external forces. What I’ve discovered is nothing short of amazing to me.

Confidence. I briefly mentioned this in my last post regarding my 30-day adventure.
Something magical happens when I step on my yoga mat. I’m transported to a different world, where all that matters is my breath. For one hour of my day, there are no peer pressures, outside influences or society telling me how and why I should do something. It’s just me, my breath and my movements. I am capable of anything. And let me tell you, that’s when I feel most confident.

I got this crazy idea to get on my yoga mat for 30 consecutive days. How hard could it be, right? That’s what I thought too. Little did I know my personal 30-day challenge would teach me about so much more than yoga. 

Early last fall, I was pretty grumpy about life. It seemed as though everything that could go wrong did. So, at the suggestion of a friend, I started a gratitude journal. Rather than focusing on what was wrong in my life, I began looking for what was right. Each night before bed, I wrote down three things for which I was grateful. 

Did I mention I took this crazy, little adventure to the magical island of Bali in January? Because I did. And it was life-changing. How, you ask? The Universe gave me 3 distinct gifts that transformed the way I live – perseverance, an awakening, and clarity.

Ever had that nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach telling you that you should or should not do something? That’s your gut instinct or your intuition. And, I ignored mine for the longest time. But now? Now, I’m saying yes to all the universe has to offer. 

Have you ever heard of the one word challenge? The concept was introduced to me a few years ago and really resonated with me. Rather than creating a laundry list of resolutions you are likely to abandon three weeks into the new year, you simply choose a single word that sets the tone for your entire year. It can be anything - sparkle, laughter, family, health, change, determination, perseverance - whatever you like.

2016, where did you go? It's hard to believe 2017 will soon be knocking on my door. As I reflect on the days flown by, I pause to remember just how far I've come on my journey.

Picking up where we left off…

After that profound lunch, I returned to my hotel room. What felt fancy when I arrived suddenly felt cold and empty. Where does one go to find herself again? I was lost. So naturally, I cried. Big, fat alligator tears. I needed to escape, get out of the lonely hotel room in which I felt trapped.