10 Phrases Women Need to Unlearn to Experience More Joy

Have you ever uttered these phrases?

“This is just the way it is.” 
“I’m fine.”
 “That’s just who I am.”

There was a season of my life when they rolled off my tongue on autopilot. And at the time, I believed it.


Because I didn’t know what else to say.

I said those words when my marriage was falling apart. When my friends stopped responding. When I felt loneliest. When I hated my job but was scared to leave. When I was overwhelmed and barely holding it together. When I sitting in Spain wondering if I’d made the biggest mistake of my life.

Here’s the thing, those phrases didn’t describe my life.


They defined my limits.

They reflected the ways I was settling. Shrinking back. Playing small.


I believed the story that things couldn’t be different.

But they can. And they are.

These aren’t just phrases I used to say.

I hear them from clients all the time.


I hear them whispered in coffee shops, mumbled on calls, posted in captions, tossed off with a laugh like they don’t mean anything.

But they do. They’re signals.

And when I hear them, I want to gently grab women’s shoulders, look them in the eye, and say:

You don’t have to live this way. You don’t have to settle.

There is another option. There’s more joy, more peace, more possibility than you’ve let yourself imagine waiting for you.

But it starts with noticing the words you're using—and how they’re shaping the life you’re living.

Why Language Matters in Personal Growth

Whether we realize it or not, our words (aka thoughts) shape our beliefs. Our beliefs shape our actions. And our actions shape our results.

So if you want a different outcome in your life—whether in your career, relationships, health, or self-worth—it starts with how you talk about it.

Let’s break down 10 common phrases women use that keep them playing small and stuck, and what to say (or think) instead.

10 Phrases to Stop Saying If You Want to Grow

1. “This is just the way it is.”

   Nope. That’s just the way it’s been.
There’s always another way. You just may need help finding it.

2. “I’m fine.”

   Fine is neutral. Fine is stuck. You weren’t made for fine—you were made for full.

3. “That’s just who I am.”

   Maybe it was. But who you were doesn’t have to define who you become.

4. “I don’t know what to do.”
   
Most of the time? You do know. You just don’t like the answer, or you’re afraid of it. Get quiet. Get honest. Then move.

5. “I’ll wait for a sign.”
   
Signs often show up after you take action—not before.
Don’t wait. Walk.

6. “I’ve tried everything.”

   Have you? Or have you just tried everything that felt comfortable? Real growth starts on the edge of what feels unfamiliar.

7. “It’s not that bad.”
   
Don’t talk yourself out of transformation. Just because you can tolerate it doesn’t mean you should.

8. “I’m too much.”
   
You’re not too much—you’re just not in the right room. Get in rooms that can hold your power.

9. “If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.”
   As Mark Batterson says in Draw the Circle: “Pray like it depends on God. But act like it depends on you.” Faith is not passive.
   Your future needs your participation.

10. “I’m just waiting on clarity.”

    Clarity is often a result of action, not a prerequisite. Commit first. The next step will meet you there.

Your Words Create Your Reality

As a coach, I see women sabotage their progress every day with the words they use. And they don’t even realize they’re doing it.

As Gay Hendricks teaches in The Big Leap, the key to transformation lies in action—especially action that comes from your zone of genius.


But action doesn’t happen when we’re stuck in spirals of self-doubt, fear, or spiritual procrastination disguised as waiting.

You want something different? Start saying something different.

Let your words reflect the woman you’re becoming—not the one you’ve outgrown.

It's time to rewrite the script.

The phrases we repeat often become the stories we live. And you are the author of your story.

Ask yourself: Are these the words of the version of me I want to grow into?

If not, start rewriting.


Your new story—one filled with joy, peace, freedom, and purpose—is already waiting to be lived.