Self-Sabotage Isn’t Always Loud. Sometimes It Looks Like This…

Lately, I’ve had more and more clients coming to me feeling frustrated, stuck, or anxious—and not really sure why.

As leaders, they’re showing up, putting in the work and doing all the right things.

But under the surface there’s something else going on.

Most of the time, they’re unconsciously sabotaging their own growth. And not in big dramatic ways. Rather, in quiet, subtle patterns that often feel totally justifiable in the moment.

So I've pulled together three of the most common self-sabotaging patterns I’ve seen lately along with what you can try instead.

Self Sabotage Pattern #1 - The Worry Spiral

You start spinning out about the future. What if it doesn’t work? What if I mess it up? What if they say no? And before you know it, you’re overwhelmed, anxious, and avoiding action altogether. News flash - inaction is still an action.

Try this instead: Ask yourself: Is there anything I can do about this right now? If yes, take a small turtle step toward it. If not, release it. Come back to the present. Let your future self inform your present action—not your present fear dictate your future.

Self Sabotage Pattern #2 - The Internal Squabble

You’re running a full-blown debate in your head. They’re going to say this. I’ll say that. And then they'll respond like this. And suddenly, you’re showing up guarded, defensive, or checked out before the real conversation even happens.

Try this instead: Pause and notice the story you’re telling yourself. Instead of rehearsing imaginary conflict, choose courage. Have the actual conversation. Ask the question. Say the thing. The stories in your head will rarely reflect what actually happens.

Self Sabotage Pattern #3 - The Critic Lens

You find yourself getting super critical of others, or maybe yourself. You’re nitpicking what someone didn’t do, where they messed up, or how they missed the mark. And beneath that? Often, it’s fear. Insecurity. Vulnerability.

Try this instead: Shift your focus to what is working. Notice what they’re doing right. Practice the 5:1 ratio—five positive, encouraging moments for every one critique. This isn't about being fake. It’s about being fair. And it pulls you out of blame and into growth.The truth is every time we sabotage, we’re protecting a version of ourselves that’s afraid.

Your future success?

She needs a different version of you.

One who is aware. Who takes ownership of her energy. Who thinks differently so she can act differently and get different results.

This isn’t always easy work. Not everyone is ready for it. But if you are, I want you to know I see you.

I believe in you. It's time you believe in yourself too.